


Pure Love Story

by fumiko6



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Depression, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lesbian Character, POV First Person, References to Drugs, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 08:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18427118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fumiko6/pseuds/fumiko6
Summary: this is an original short story, featuring a sad lesbian in a vaguely fantastical setting. it’s about depression and loneliness and stuff, and about not being a good person.





	Pure Love Story

**Author's Note:**

> this was written basically as a coping method around 2013-2014, and i might not endorse it today, but... i guess it deserves to be out there. originally posted at https://fumiko666.tumblr.com/post/138900319618/pure-love-story
> 
> content warnings: see tags
> 
> Inspirations: Touhou, every yuri manga ever

**Chapter 1: Sky**

How long had it been since I last saw her?

I didn’t remember. I couldn’t remember.

She was my best friend. That was all I remembered. That was all I needed. That was all that mattered.

She had vanished, as if she had never existed.

I had searched for her. I had searched for her in every place I could have imagined. All of our hiding places. All of our secret retreats.

There I was, standing in front of a wooden door. The last place she could have been. Her world. A place she forbade me to enter.

I placed my hand upon the handle. A chill pulsed through my body.

Would she want me here? Would she hate me forever?

It didn’t matter. It wasn’t the time for such thoughts.

My hand turned, and I pushed. The door gave way, and I fell into an endless abyss.

Where was I?

“…”

It was the familiar cadence of her breathing.

“…”

It was her. She was here.

“…”

I opened my eyes. Pitch black, except for a speck of light.

I reached towards it. The light moved closer and closer, grew brighter and brighter, until it enveloped me. The light was blinding; I closed my eyes. When I opened them, all I could see was blue.

I was flying. I felt the air flutter through my skirt, a soft, gentle summer breeze. I felt the warmth of the sun upon my skin, a tingling radiance.

Was this her world?

I looked down, and saw a sea of clouds, thick enough to obscure the Earth below, like rolling snow-covered hills. I looked up, and saw it.

It was a floating palace of polished white metal, surrounded by a cloud of crystalline orbs. A lenticular foundation, with white ramparts and battlements jutting upwards. The palace was radiant in the glow of the sun, its prism towers catching the sun’s rays and reflecting them through the cloud of orbs, diffusing the light into a mist of color.

“Help…”

Her voice, a whisper in my ears. I searched for the source.

“I’m here…”

Her voice came from the palace. I began to fly towards it.

The orbs began to move. They moved towards me. What were they doing? Would they catch me, strike me down, tear me apart?

I was afraid. I flew through the clouds of orbs. The orbs closed in upon me.

But, they never reached me. They could never reach me. There was a shield protecting me, an invisible sphere that kept danger at bay.

I flew on. As long as I thought of her, as long as I held on to my feelings for her, I would be safe. I knew this.

The palace was closer now. It encompassed my entire vision.

It was not a palace, but a microcosm. A world onto itself, its bowels stretching infinitely inside. A world with fields, a sky, a sun.

I floated above the palace, glimpsing into the world within its walls. Her breathing was louder now.

There was no one here. No one to greet me, no one to stop me. Were they inviting me into this place?

Was she inside?

I looked around me. Nothing but the blue dome of the sky, and the white field of clouds underneath.

I had to enter this world.

* * *

  
**Chapter 2: Fields**

Why was I here? The memories started to come back to me.

I remembered when I first met her.

“Hey. What'cha doing?”

Those were the first words she said to me.

Third grade. I was sitting in an alcove by the side wall of the school, alone, with my book for company. It was a book I couldn’t understand a word of, the biggest book from my mother’s bookshelf. I had it so that the teachers wouldn’t bother me too much when I was alone.

I was always alone back then. Who would ever want to play with someone like me?

I was always too quiet. I was clumsy. I had good grades, and maybe I tried too hard. I was a witch, or so they said. With my long and curly black hair and my thick plastic framed glasses and my never-present smile, I must have looked the part.

So why was she talking to me, I wondered.

“Um, just… reading,” I replied.

“Wow, that looks like a really hard book!”

My eyes met hers for a moment before I looked away. She was smiling. Her radiance beamed in the glow of the sun. Of course I couldn’t look at her.

“Um, not really…”

“Then you must be really smart!”

The words on my book blurred into each other. No, my whole vision was clouded. I felt my face become hot. Water droplets fell onto the paper. Tears. I was crying.

“Are you all right?”

She looked at me with concern in her eyes. For just a brief moment, our eyes met again. I was ashamed of myself.

“Yeah… yes”, I whispered under my breath.

“Alright! Sorry if I talk to much. But it’s okay, we’re friends now.”

She had sat down next to me. We didn’t talk much more that day, but when we saw each other again, she would always smile.

She was my prince, my white knight. With her simple words, she had pulled me out of my loneliness.

That was when it all began.

* * *

 

I was inside another world.

A field of green, flat and devoid of trees or animals. Forest-covered hills off into the distance, rising to become mountains capped with snow. A sky devoid of clouds. Two suns, the sun of this world and the sun outside, shining through a portal that seemed to follow me.

“I’m here… ”

I heard her voice, a gentle echo within my ears. I turned towards its origin.

Not quite beyond the horizon, a lake, or an ocean, shimmering under the glow of the twin suns. That was where she was. That was where I had to be.

I flew towards the water. The creatures of this world began to approach me, erupting from the ground below, where they were previously concealed, flying in formations. There were flying beings of all shapes and appearances: birds with iridescent colors, glowing animals with translucent webbed wings, insectoid creatures whose inhuman visages I could hardly stand to glance at. They were terrible, and they were beautiful. Somehow I knew that I would destroy them, or else I would be killed.

I had powers, somehow, in this world. Magic, I supposed. I could summon bolts of energy from the air, beams of destructive energy that could smite the creatures from the air. I could cast a protective shield around me, blocking out the creatures that attacked me.

Soon, the creatures were gone. I had destroyed them, or they had fled. The air stank of the acrid smell of burnt flesh, all that was left of the waves of creatures. There was nothing between me and the water except what could have been miles of plain land.

* * *

  
**Chapter 3: Water**

She was the reason I survived.

She was always surrounded by throngs of friends, or admirers. Still, somehow, she made time for me.

Me, someone with out any positives. I wasn’t cute or pretty. I wasn’t smart. I wasn’t athletic. Besides, I was clingy. I was always sad. Why would she ever bother with someone like me? I wondered about that. She had other friends, so why me? What did I have, that her other friends didn’t?

I didn’t really think any such thoughts, did I? I was 8, 9, 10 years old, and not especially mature for my age.

What were we back then? I think we were friends. What did friends do? Visit each other’s homes? Talk to each other about the most meaningless things? Copy each other’s homework? Have sleepovers filled with the beginnings of sexual curiosity?

I loved her, I think. As much as a 9 year old could love.

She was the first friend I had. She was my first love.

* * *

 

The lake stretched out beneath, an endless expanse of azure. Gentle waves lapped against the white shoreline behind me. The air was cooler here, the breeze brushing against my skin. There were no more animals here, or had I killed them all?

Plumes of water rose from the lake, shooting forth glowing spheres of white. One of the spheres brushed against my arm; it was freezing cold. Who was it that was trying to stop me? Anyways, I dodged the other spheres easily. It would have almost been relaxing, were it not for the constant reminders of my mission reverberating through my mind.

She was here, in this world. I remembered. I would rescue her, like she rescued me.

We had already been separated once. We would not be separated again.

The other shoreline. Did I see it?

No. An island. Or was it? In the distance, like a mirage. Was it a mirage? I flew towards it.

The lake beneath me grew more violent with its plumes and spheres of ice. They grazed my body more and more, as if someone were telling me that I should turn back. Of course I couldn’t turn back. It would be a betrayal.

Something was in sight. At the other shoreline. Angular shapes. Rectangular blocks. Buildings?

Were there other humans in this world?

What would I do if I met them? What would I do if I had to speak to them?

How did I know where to go? How did I know where she was?

I knew from my heart, somehow. I knew where she was. I knew where I had to go.

* * *

  
**Chapter 4: City**

We were no longer together.

It was the first time we were separated, ever since we first met.

She was moving away. Her parents had found new jobs, in a city thousands of miles away. We were just about to begin middle school.

I cried when she first told me. I cried as she hugged me, comforted me. I cried until I had no strength left to cry anymore.

“It’s alright,” she repeated over and over. Of course it wasn’t alright.

We would be separated.

I might never see her again. She would be fine. She made friends easily. She could smile and laugh as if there were no worries in her world.

What was I to do? I would be alone without her. I had no other friends to speak of. I hated smiling. I had nothing. I would be alone.

I wanted her. I needed her. I wanted her all to myself.

I was already so selfish, even back then.

* * *

 

A city. I flew above a city.

It was nothing like the town I had known all my life, with its clump of gray buildings surrounded by endless suburbs of beige, flat houses and even more endless farmland beyond.

It was a real city, with spires colored like rainbows, towering blocks of glass, and shining domes of gold. Its streets were crowded with beings that looked like humans, paying me no attention, as if I were invisible. They never lifted their heads. Were they carrying out their daily chores? Did they have everyday existences in this city?

They might as well have been automata. I was thankful; I wouldn’t have to deal with them.

I flew, hearing the faint strains of her breathing in my ears. Even within this rowdy city, I could hear her. Even within this place, I could find her.

The sounds led me to a great coliseum, a circular edifice of stone rising from a neighborhood of rowhouses. Except, it was not a coliseum. In the center, where the field would have been, was a vast chasm, opening into the earth. A hole in the ground, lined with jagged rock. Was it a portal into yet another world?

“Stop. The princess has no desire to see you.”

A girl’s voice, quivering and high-pitched. She was flying towards me, dressed in a ridiculous outfit consisting of a pink nightgown and a cap.

With one exception, I hated talking to people.

“No. You’re wrong. Let me continue.” I was surprised by the forcefulness of my voice.

“Please leave and go back to your world.”

I felt anger. Who was she to tell me to go away? Who was she to speak for “her”? There was energy gathering around me, urging me forward. I heard a thud; the girl had collapsed on the road.

She opened her eyes, and smirked at me. I ignored her. I heard words in her voice. “You’re quite serious today, aren’t you?” I stopped listening.

I flew into the earth. Perhaps there would be something there.

* * *

  
**Chapter 5: Earth**

Middle school was a blur. Without her, what could I do? I was all alone again. I never smiled. I faced the world alone without her. I was trapped.

I was all alone. What did I live for?

I sleepwalked through each day. I was like a being of clockwork, or a zombie. Of course I had no other friends. Of course I burnt through my days in meaningless angst.

I had no one to talk to. I had no one who would care for me. At best, the others ignored me. At worst, they tormented me.

That was until the day I met her again.

It was the first day of high school. I glimpsed her face during the entrance ceremony. It was her. It was unmistakably her.

She had returned to our town.

She had changed. I had changed too, of course, but not like her.

She was beautiful. Her glasses, gone. Her hair had grown out, in a silky black waterfall. She was tall; my eyes barely reached her mouth.

I approached her, and greeted her. The bottled-up emotions of three years erupted from my heart. Did I cry? Did I laugh? Did I draw a commotion? I didn’t remember. She took it well, all things considered.

I had changed, too. I did not look at her in the same way.

I was afraid of myself. I was afraid of what I would do to her.

* * *

 

It was a cave. An enormous cavern of gray rock, with pillars extending from the floor to the ceiling. Light filtered down through one way portals.

The cave was empty, barren, devoid of life. A reprieve from the outer world.

Was she here? Was she trapped in this world? In this cavern? Was she a prisoner of this world? But, why?

She was here. Her breathing resonated through the cavern. The sound was coming from all directions, but the cavern had no branches. I could only move straight ahead.

The cave grew darker, and narrower. Soon, it was too small for me to fly through. For the first time in this world, I landed upon my feet. It felt strange, to walk, after flying for so long. How long had it been? Hours? Days? I had never felt hungry, thirsty, or tired.

There were sounds. Familiar voices. Hers, or my own? Indistinct words. Whispered rumors.

I ignored them. I continued on. Further on, the cave grew lighter. The ground changed its texture. It became a passageway, a rectangular corridor carved out of the rock. Was it a sign of life? Was she near?

* * *

  
**Chapter 6: Passageway**

It wasn’t right.

She had other friends, new and old. That was natural; that was expected. She was always popular. I was jealous back then, too.

Nothing had changed from back then.

So, why was I so hurt?

Why did I feel this way?

She was always surrounded by her friends. More than one boy asked her out. She had boyfriends. Obviously. Never lasting more than a few weeks.

Where was my place? I couldn’t stand her other friends, and I hated her boyfriends. For their part, I was quite sure they didn’t care for me either. She made special accommodations for me. Always taking time out to be with me alone. Why, I wondered. Why did she bother with me? Would it have been better if she ignored me altogether? Then, would I have been able to forget about her?

She said that I was a special friend. What did that mean?

She was more than a special friend to me. She was my reason for existing. I loved her. That must have been it. I wanted her. I wanted to hold every part of her.

Was this wrong? We were both girls, but that wasn’t what was wrong. It was something deeper, something darker within me.

Even if it was, I had to tell her.

Would she hate me forever?

It was the first summer of high school.

Even if she would despise me for the rest of eternity, I had to tell her.

* * *

 

I was in a passageway somewhere inside the earth. The floor was polished rock, etched with intricate tessellations. It glowed blue in the dim light of the blue - flamed torches on the walls, that seemed to burn without any source of fuel or power.

What would happen once I met her? Once I rescued her? Would she accept my feelings for her? I imagined she and I as lovers. I imagined our future together.

No, that was wrong. Even if she did not love me in the way I loved her, that would be alright. As long as she would accept my existence in her world, I would be happy. As long as I could remain by her side, I would not feel sorrow.

I started to doubt myself. Would I really find her in this place? What if it was nothing but a trap? What if she was hiding from me of her own free will? What if she hated me?

I brushed aside these thoughts. The air was becoming heavier, hotter, more oppressive. The corridor was becoming narrower. Soon, it became so narrow that my shoulders almost touched the walls.

There was a door ahead. It was a heavy metal door, covered with golden nodes. The handle felt cold. I felt a sudden apprehension, as if this were a door too far, a point beyond return.

Even if she would hate me forever, I had to find her. I forced the door open.

* * *

  
**Chapter 7: Palace**

As I opened the door, a golden light fell upon me. I closed my eyes, and opened them again. It was a glorious palace, or a temple. Marble columns stretching towards the vaulted ceiling, covered with frescos of her image. Tall stained-glass windows lined the walls on all sides, where the brilliant light shone through in all colors. This was her sanctuary.

She was here, too. Standing alone, bathed in a halo of light, wearing a gown that made my dress look like a peasant girl’s smock.

* * *

 

“I’m here! I’m here!”

I shouted with joy. My face turned into a smile I could not contain.

She was looking away from me, her face hidden.

“I love you,” I told her. This time, I would confess. I would confess for real, I told myself. I would make sure she knew how I felt. For better or for worse, I couldn’t let my feelings simmer in my heart any longer.

“How many times have you said that now? I already know it. Haha.”

“No! I mean really!”

We were at her house, all by ourselves. It was the beginning of summer, at the end of our first year of high school.

* * *

 

“Do you really think you’re saving me?” Her voice was frigid.

I froze. “I… don’t know,” I whispered.

“You’ve never thought about how I felt, have you?”

* * *

 

“Really? Like how?” She was still oblivious.

I threw my arms around her, and pushed her onto her bed. “Hey, what are you doing?” I ignored her complaints. I brought my face closer to hers. I kissed her on her soft lips.

“Hey… that isn’t right,” she said after I let go of her lips. “Isn’t this sort of weird? You know we’re both girls, right?”

* * *

 

I began to walk towards her again, keeping my eyes on the marble path. “Sorry… I didn’t know. ..”

“That isn’t an excuse. You could have at least tried to understand.”

“I’m sorry…” was all I could say.

“I’m here because I don’t want to see you.”

* * *

 

We were both girls. She would never come to love me in the way I loved her. Tears started to well up in my eyes, as I still held my face just barely above hers.

“Come on, it’s not like I hate you. I just don’t like you that way, that’s all, not that there’s anything wrong with how you feel. Now, could you let me go?”

I wanted to laugh. Instead, I began to giggle.

“Um, could you let me go now? Please?”

No. I couldn’t. If I let go, I imagined that she would drift away from me, forever. Tears from my eyes dripped onto her face.

“Um, are you okay?” She asked me.

Of course not. But what could I say? I was never okay. Never since the moment I was born. Never since the moment I was cursed to have met her, and to have fallen in love with her.

I held on to her. I desired her for myself.

* * *

 

The path was flanked by pillars of marble, supporting the cavernous roof overhead.

I walked slowly now, inching towards her. She still faced away from me, not turning, not moving.

“Why are you still doing this?” She said. Was there a trace of rancor in her voice? No, it was more like annoyance.

I didn’t know why I continued.

* * *

 

I finally pushed myself off her.

I ran. I ran out of her house. Did she call out to me? Did she chase me? Did i say anything to her? I didn’t remember.

It was a warm afternoon, early in the summer. The world around me was a blur. Houses. Cars. Trees. All passing me by. It was as if none of it was real, none of it, except the air in front of me.

It was afternoon, yet I could already see the stars. I saw the stars flickering in and out, streaking through the sky making trails of light, swirling towards me, hitting me in the face like pellets of hail as I ran. I saw the moon emerge through the clouds, melting like a wax candle, dripping like the tears on my cheeks. I felt my thoughts melting away, dissolving into a mist that spread over the landscape, blinding me to the world.

I had hurt her. She would despise me. I would never see her again.

* * *

 

She was almost within arm’s reach of me. Could I touch her? What would happen if I touched her?

“Don’t touch me.”

Her voice was the coldest it had ever been.

“So you think that you can just impose your feelings on someone else? And then, you can just run away? What a selfish coward. Can you think about anyone besides yourself?”

* * *

 

I had arrived home. It would be alright, for the first and last time in my life it would be alright.

As long as I was alive, there would be nothing but despair. I would never hurt her again. She would be okay. I would be okay.

I took the bottle and poured out the pills onto my hand. I would be fine. It wouldn’t hurt. I swallowed the pills.

I felt dizzy. I fell on the carpet of the living room. I felt my consciousness drift away. It’s all fine in the end, right?

* * *

 

I felt the world around me fall away. The pillars and columns eroded into sand. The windows shattered, and the shards shattered further till only clouds of shimmering dust were left. The ceiling opened to the sky, except the sky was already gone. We were surrounded by nothingness.

“Do you see now? Do you understand?” She turned to face me for the first time. Her voice was softer, gentler.

No. Yes. I don’t know.

“Do you hate yourself now? Do you want to die?” She said those words in the gentlest way anyone could have said such words.

The air was being sucked away. The ground was collapsing without a sound. She and I were standing on an island, floating on nothing.

“Well, things have changed. Do whatever you want.”

The ground beneath me gave way. I was pulled into the void. I couldn’t make a sound.

* * *

 

I wake up.

I wake up on the rough carpet. Every part of me aches.

I force my eyes open. My vision is clouded.

I can’t move. The air smells of acid and decomposed food and sweat.

It hurts. I can’t think of anything besides the pain and the stench.

It’s quiet. Of course. I’m alone. I’ve always been alone. In the end, I’ll always be alone. Why did I ever think anything else?

The sun was setting, filling the room with a hazy orange glow. A pool of light gathered next to my head, next to the pool of vomit and the pools of foam.

She’s not here. She’ll never be here again.

What would I have said if she were here? What would I have said if anyone were here?

I open my mouth. I can barely make a sound.

I can speak only to myself.

“Sorry. I wasn’t feeling very well.”


End file.
